I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
