i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
