every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
