I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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