apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
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Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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