His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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