you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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