This beer is not sobering me up at all
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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