i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
