it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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