i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
