sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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