I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
