I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
