just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
