There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
