Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
