tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
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You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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