trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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