i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
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he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
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i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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