Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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