my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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