ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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