chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
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Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
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I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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