Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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