I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I just put wine in my tea
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
