Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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