i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
