i need an iv and a liver transplant
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going