I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.