I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder