Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success

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  (410): He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success http://tfl.nu/9mnw
  Replies (2) Good night (765) Bad night (1071)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines

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  (515): Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines http://tfl.nu/x6qw
  Replies (98) Good night (740) Bad night (3215)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.

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  (732): I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one. http://tfl.nu/pu4o
  Replies (12) Good night (606) Bad night (2907)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...

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  (781): I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer... http://tfl.nu/rcmz
  Replies (22) Good night (2903) Bad night (885)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"

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  (724): she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it" http://tfl.nu/sq67
  Replies (9) Good night (5750) Bad night (1303)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.

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  (703): Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/f3x3
  Replies (7) Good night (4352) Bad night (1192)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.

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  (641): Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird. http://tfl.nu/ck05
  Replies (4) Good night (2157) Bad night (1589)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?

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  (785): Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference? http://tfl.nu/d4sd
  Replies (7) Good night (1926) Bad night (900)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.

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  (740): If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure. http://tfl.nu/7lqe
  Replies (5) Good night (1990) Bad night (1101)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever

  (509): View more from Washington

  but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid

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  (412): you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever (509): but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid http://tfl.nu/bu4c
  Replies (9) Good night (2442) Bad night (652)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Pants off. Spirits lifted.

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  (253): Pants off. Spirits lifted. http://tfl.nu/wzml
  Replies (2) Good night (978) Bad night (345)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer

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  (604): Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer http://tfl.nu/ixyo
  Replies (7) Good night (390) Bad night (1109)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!

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  (503): So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30! http://tfl.nu/8l9n
  Replies (4) Good night (675) Bad night (281)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night

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  (306): he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night http://tfl.nu/gymz
  Replies (0) Good night (472) Bad night (311)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me

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  (647): Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me http://tfl.nu/giau
  Replies (3) Good night (547) Bad night (296)

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