I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.