We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
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He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
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adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?