I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
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I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
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Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.