Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast