We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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