Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
