I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
two words...techno handjob
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
