in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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