I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
