I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Randomize
