I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
