I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
