mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dignity is for republicans.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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