It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
