You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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