She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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