this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
