The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
