Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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