hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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