Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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