OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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