So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
