I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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