every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
