There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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