I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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