hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
