3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
