so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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