return my video game
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
