Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
