A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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