Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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