so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
