btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
