I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
