Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
