so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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