um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
