totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
