This is not my ceiling
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
