Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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