dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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