my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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