I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
